And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
