STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
