I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me