we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.