i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?