she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.