dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!