dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
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I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
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The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.