I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice