I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
This show inspires me to have sex in space
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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