My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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