sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
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I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
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Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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