i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
