For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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