it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I could make wine with my vomit
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
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