It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
