I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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