awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
