4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
