I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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