so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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