You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
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I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
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Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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