So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
