My girlfriend figured out who you are.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
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