I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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