She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
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Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
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I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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