Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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