yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
