I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize