come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
The struggles of a small town man whore
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
