dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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