i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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