so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Randomize
