Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!