Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
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he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
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Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan