I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning