At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...