Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'