she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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