Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
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he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
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Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
This couple is walking their pig around campus
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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