Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
It was confusing and full of hummus
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.