was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
27 Unforgettable Hookup Texts
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
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Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.