New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls