sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably