Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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