She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
