my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
My vagina is officially offended.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize