Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Randomize
