She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
