get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.