life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
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She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
You coming home soon, man?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
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Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.