It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"