Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?