I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Who died my cat blue again?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?