The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Lo siento on account of my penis...