so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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