dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
farters have to be the big spoon...
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in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
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How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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