We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
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