I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
