when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
