the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Randomize
