end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
My liver just had a heart attack.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
