The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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