Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
