She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
