people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
it's like iHOP with fire
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
