I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
