I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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